


A Whole Lotta Versions of a Color that Is Not Black or White But Somewhere In Between

by darksabre



Category: Homestuck
Genre: 50sog mention, 50sog parody?, Gen, M/M, davekat - Freeform, literally just siblings being siblings, sbahj movies, sibling bonding time, striderbros bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-23
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-14 19:53:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15396174
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darksabre/pseuds/darksabre
Summary: Meme differences from the different universes mean that there's a SBAHJ movie from the Alphaverse that Dave just can't figure out--after all, Beta Earth was destroyed in 2009 and Fifty Shades of Gray wasn't published until 2011.





	A Whole Lotta Versions of a Color that Is Not Black or White But Somewhere In Between

You are watching one of the super rad Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff movies with Dirk and for the life of you, you do not get it at all.  
  
That’s kind of the point, one is not supposed to “get” the upper tiers of ironic expression, but you know how Dave Striders think (you are one after all) so you usually are able to “get it” on some level. But this movie makes somehow even less sense than the SBAHJ films usually do.  
  
Ben Stiller is making yet another trip to a generic home improvement store. The set is stack of cardboard boxes and those plastic cardboard signs that people use to advertise the fact that they are running for president or some shit, with the words ‘HÖM DEEPÖÖ’ painted over an upside-down Guy Fieri caricature in dripping red letters. The background is a badly green-screened street—a tribute to another purposefully shitty movie, made long before Dirk’s Bro made ironic movies The Thing.  
  
Stiller collects even more gray paint chips. You count up the total number of paint chips taped the inflatable brick wall of a house: the total adds up to exactly fifty. Interestingly enough, none of the dialogue has actually used the word ‘gray’, opting instead for long drawn-out descriptions, such as ‘the color of a tornado right before it destroys a white-trash trailer park’ and ‘the exposed flesh of a long-dead carp’ and ‘the gross foam that collects on the edge of the beach and smells bad’. This has been going on for about two and a half hours and you do not get it.  
  
You hear your datemate grumbling as he comes into the room. You catch “Mumblegrumblefucking terrible movies. I can’t see why you can watch that trash and still have the gall to tell me that my books are garbage. At least I have good taste in garbage,” as Karkat flops over the back of the couch, his chin landing on your shoulder, his body draped over the top of the couch.  
  
“You have terrible taste; you always complain about movies that are clearly works of staggering cinematic genius,” you say as you reach up and hook an arm around his shoulders and pull him the rest of the way over the couch. He’s not very big, so this isn’t hard, and he makes a really cute indignant squeaking sound. He winds up upside down, the top of his head resting on the floor, with his body up on the couch, legs resting up against the back. He’s wearing one of your shirts.  
  
“Which horrible alt-you film is this one? Probably something really fucking dumb with a title that’s somehow even dumber than the concept as a whole,” he asks.  
  
“Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff: the Miovoiee: A Whole Lotta Versions of a Color that Is Not Black or White But Somewhere In Between,” Dirk rattles off the amazingly long title, not taking his eyes off the screen. “Dave, stop flirting with your boyfriend, I’m trying to watch.”  
  
Karkat’s got a hand around your ankle in a sort of affectionate hand-hold, except that he’s holding your ankle. He, interestingly enough, says nothing for a while and seems to be actually watching the movie. He winds up slowly righting himself, sitting on the floor, back pressed against your leg. You find yourself running your fingers through his soft messy hair, and can feel his soft purring. After about ten minutes, Karkat says, “It’s a fucking Fifty Shades of Gray parody and, somehow, despite the horrendously terrible filmmaking, and the fact that seems to be literally just that guy collecting paint chips, manages to be better.”  
  
“Bingo,” Dirk says.  
  
Now you are even more confused. How did _Karkat_ of all people manage to figure out a SBAHJ movie before you did? You’re supposed to be the goddamn creator of this awesome shit, or at least, a younger alternate universe version of him. “Fifty Shades of what now?” you say.  
  
Dirk and Karkat both slowly turn to look at you. “You’ve never heard of Fifty Shades of Gray?” they manage to say at exactly the same time.  
  
You stare back at them. “Memes ended in 2009 when a bunch of fucking meteors destroyed the earth,” you point out. “We’ve got a whole list of meme differences between the two universes. Hal and Davesprite put it together. Rose said they’re writing a fucking thesis on it.”  
  
“And Fifty Shades was released in 2011,” Dirk muses. “Karkat, how—”  
  
“Roxy said I’d enjoy them,” Karkat interrupts with a shrug. “I’ve read better. Hell, I’ve read better human books, and your romances are boring as fuck. They have no depth.”  
  
Dirk pushes his shades up onto his forehead and stares at you. It’s a little unnerving. “You lived in a world free from that cursed energy,” he says slowly. For some reason, this clearly strikes him as really funny, and he actually laughs. You realize you’ve never heard him laugh before, and something clicks in your brain and some part of you lets you disconnect Dirk from your own Bro a little bit, which is kinda nice honestly. 

(Later, when Karkat is going to read to you like he always does before you go to sleep, he finds his copy of this apparently cursed book and he and Dirk were right. It’s awful.)


End file.
